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College ministry work comes with challenges. I’ve been reading Alongside by Drew Hill and he says it so well, “Teenagers are awesome – a mix of childlike spirits and adultlike ambitions. Knowing them is a gift, but loving them is often challenging.” It’s true of our traditional college students, too. As 18 year olds come on campus for their first semester, I can see the brave faces of “I’ve totally got this” masking the self-doubt and impostor syndrome they struggle with.

When my turn came to go off to college, I reeked of confidence. As you may guess, my small town upbringing felt restricting. I could not imagine spending any more time in my town of 1100. Yet, there I stood, sobbing in the parking lot of my dorm on move in day as my parents and boyfriend (now husband) turned to go back home. Quickly, after they left, I called my dad a few hours later requesting he sell our home and move to the college town. I recognized in the parking lot depth of how important these humans meant to my life. Not only did I receive care from them, they chased after me – never leaving me to my own devices for too long – and it was terrifying to consider I wouldn’t find people at college who wanted to be around me. Abandonment. Rejection. Fear.

Disciple College Students

Working in college ministry, I see students struggle with the transition into college, even those who elect to live at home. The tension between childlike needs and adulthood wants creates an abundance of opportunities for chaos and conflict. But as a teacher, what frustrates me most aren’t the students, instead I shake my head at fellow teachers. We forget that we too desire to be pursued, wanted, or included. In forgetting our own desires to belong, we belittle the difficulties of our younger friends. As Drew states in Alongside:

I’m grateful for the countless people who have shown me Jesus, but that doesn’t take away my longing to be pursued. I’m almost forty years old and still wrestle with the lies of loneliness that tell me I’m not worth loving. Our teenage friends and children have the very same longings. They hunger for pursuit. They are desperate to be loved. They crave to be chased.

Alongside, Drew Hill (page ix)

Relationships are broken.

As I spend more time learning alongside college students, I’ve seen growing and disturbing trends. Absentee parents; teens raised by grandparents while incarcerated parents serve time for drug related charges; and emotional and mental abuse by a parent (most likely struggling with addiction) come up in conversations regularly. Trusting adults doesn’t come naturally. Adults tend to lead to pain, not protection; abandonment, not acceptance. Our college students need us to willingly share our stories of feeling abandoned and to see our dedication to consistently show up in their world.

Share Stories of Feeling Abandoned

Consequently, students feel wary around adults who want to actively engage in their lives. It takes time to build trust. However, I work for a two-year community college, time doesn’t work in my favor. Consequently, to build relationships quickly, I must willing share stories of my life experiences feeling left out, lonely, and overwhelmed. Reflecting on the wounds of our life experiences develops empathy, something we could all use more of.

Sharing stories does not mean we need to create or overdevelop experiences to feel worthy of another’s empathy. Teens don’t need us to suffer for their trust. Teens want to see we trust them with an adult-like respect of our story into their hearts. In sharing our story, we create a mutually desired respect and open the door for deeper dialogue.

College Ministry: How to show up.

More people divert from college ministry because of time and feeling “equipped” than any other reasons. If you feel called to care for college students, you will find yourself equipped. The end. However, time doesn’t come easily. I know. Schedules get packed quickly. The good news here, once you develop habits to enter the world of college students, they will develop habits to enter your world, too.

10 Ways to Show Up for College Students

1. Attend freshman orientation sessions
2. Be active in a campus ministry
3. Connect with a non-faith related campus club or team (show you care regardless of where they show up)
4. Drink a lot of coffee…with college students around
5. Social Media: Set boundaries, but engage in safe places to learn their worlds
6. Host small groups (you can do it!)
7. Be available: You don’t need to say “no” to opportunities for the sake of waiting on students to reach out. Instead, be available to include a student on your errands or grocery shopping. They want inclusion, not an intervention.
8. Invite them on adventures. You like to hike? Go hiking. Love shopping at the discount book store? Go there.
9. Explain adulthood things. Going to get insurance on your car? Take them with you. Grocery shopping? Talk out loud and explain why you get what you get.

College ministry requires a desire to love the childlike tendencies of our teens while investing into how they develop their adulthood habits. Sharing this formative time with students opens powerful opportunities for world-changing discipleship. Take the first step, show up and then, please, don’t stop showing up.